need to credit
2 hours ago
The beginning of Liz Magill’s presidential reign was difficult. Climate protesters maintain their entrenched position on College Green, UC Townhome protesters interrupted his speech during the call, and Copa is the only Mexican location left on campus.
Between remodeling McDonald’s and Penn reaching its hand deeper and deeper into West Philly, the school has repeatedly been accused of “Penn-trifying” the surrounding neighborhood.
Magill, in response, decided to take matters into her own hands. Eyewitnesses report that late one night they saw a dark figure in a long trench coat throwing pairs of sneakers at wires around campus. CCTV footage revealed the culprit had beautiful, shoulder-length, dirty blonde locks and strode as if she had to be somewhere. The only person left as a suspect is our matriarch, Magill herself.
Pairs of ramshackle shoes now hang from the Engineering Quad banner, the Saxby’s sign, and even the Tampons. Much to the President’s delight, students report that the campus already has a grittier feel to it, especially due to the mind-boggling fact that the shoes aren’t Golden Gooses. While we don’t know if Magill’s recent installments indicate she’ll start selling drugs to college students, it’s something to watch. If she doesn’t, it could be the latest page in a long, obscene story: an administration that fails to deliver on its promises that would improve the quality of life for the average student. That’s a shame.